As the student I actually am, I'm getting started in, oh, maybe twenty minutes. I gave the assignment a good looking over for the first time a little before eleven, so it's not like I'm doing this all the day that it's due. Then I went over to Colin's and played Halo with the guys for an hour. I'm either pretty damn pathetic or pretty damn accomplished, depending on how you look at it.
The worst thing work in high school has taught me is procrastination usually works. When all that unpleasant work is spread out over time, a little tinge of that irritation poisons everything else. Now, some people who "aren't total masochists" will argue that knowing something has to be done in the future is just as bad or even worse than working on a bit in the present. Well the key is to treat your future self as a completely different person. See, if a few days ago I remembered that I'd be stuck with all this work to do, I might have been worried. But what I remembered is that asshole Future Paul was going to be stuck with an entire essay to write, and I could simply chuckle at that poor fucker's luck and comfortably go back to watching Donnie Wahlberg in Boomtown play the part of a detective trying to make the world forget he was in New Kids on the Block.
Before they go back to finishing up their summer reading, those same hardworking jerks from before will probably point out that Future Me is going to be pretty pissed that Past Me screwed me over. Sure, that's true, but I'll have the magic tool of memory-erasing sleep deprivation. So, sure, while I might work through a night of soul-crushing agony, later on I'll remember sitting down, screwing around for an hour or two, things getting hazy, and me waking up the next morning with a finished paper.
So yeah, I was just saying "Hi" before I close down my journal client so I wouldn't catch myself updating in a few hours with something like "OH GOD PLEASE NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN". That would kind of get in the way of the whole repression thing. Well, anyway, now that I'm warming up for an essay, I might as well work on using a quote to go out with some flair.
"Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good now, but in the end you're just fucking yourself." -God
There we go.